For Entertainment Purposes Only

I was on a friend's site today, and searching for ads to click (she needs cash, and I can't afford to buy actual products through her links), and saw an ad that I've seen a lot lately.

A website called AuthorTree which promises free websites and blogs for authors and is sponsored by... ta-dah! 4 pod self-pub/vanity presses (AuthorHouse, AuthorHouse UK, WordClay [formerly Vesta], and iUniverse). I'd suspected as much, but since some of these click ads check to see how long you're on their site, and where you go on it, I sniffed around a bit more. Hopefully they have a good click pay rate.

So, anyway. I'm exploring the site, alternating between laughing at them, and feeling terror at the prospect of innocent authors being sucked in by their blatant promotion of the POD people, and I click on their "services" button. In fact, I'm going to link to it as SCAM since I don't know how to no-follow it.

The first few items they offer seemed rather over priced to me, but since I didn't have the numbers on hand to compare, I just kind of rolled my eyes and thought "whatever". But then I saw their "Domain Name" offer. Only $99! Wow! Um... At first I thought it was just an over priced service like "We'll register the domain name for you, and set up your hosting account and free template". But no. It's just for the domain name. (Anyone who doesn't understand why this is not a bargain, please go to GoDaddy.com where you can register a domain name for under $10. And that's not the best deal that you can find online.)

All of them are quite nearly hilarious to anyone with a sprinkling of 'net or promotional knowlege, but I think Kathy would like this one.

The Personal Media Valet- $4000. No, I didn't type too many zeros. Here's what they do:

How do Personal Media Valet services help promote my
book?
A copywriter will produce a press kit for your book, including a press
release and a full color Fact Sheet and Author Biography Sheet
Your
publicity coordinator will distribute press releases and personally follow-up
with media outlets within your selected target markets
A custom Marketing
Kit will provide business cards, bookmarks and postcards designed to promote
your book.

How Does the Process Work?
Review and approve a
professionally written press release for distribution to targeted media outlets
An publicity coordinator will follow-up with media outlets, and send review
copies of your book upon request
Utilize word-of-mouth marketing by
distributing business cards, bookmarks and postcards to potential readers

Um. Yeah. Yanno. If I were going to pay $4000 for a press release and someone to distribute it? I think I'd be calling up Kathy because at least I've seen her work and know it would be good. And does anyone else suspect that they're one of the clients who keep trying to hire freelancers at $20 a pop? And then mass mailing these press releases to every address they can find? And then dumping the business cards, bookmarks and post cards at their local book store? Because, yanno, that's where potential readers are at.

Hopefully that charge includes the cost of the business cards, bookmarks, and postcards because they're charging $250 per 1000 business cards.

Seriously- if you're willing to shell out this kind of money to promote your book, you'd better A) have gotten a good advance, and B) hire a PROFESSIONAL PUBLICIST. Good Lord, these people want you to toss away half a year's pay on promotional services without even showing you what you get! And, they're pumping it to the self-published crowd who aren't getting advances at all.

Ye gods. It's times like this that I wish I didn't have ethics.

Of All The Rotten Tricks

That dirty, rotten, no good, low down, mother trucking son of a beech tree!

I bought Michael A. Stackpole's novel A Secret Atlas because, well, I'd found his podcast on writing to be the bee's knees (So what if I've been reading a lot of Miss Snark? Go ahead, shoot me with a clue-gun!). In other words, the only writer's info that I've found to be more helpful were Miss Snark herself, and Holly Lisle's over 100,000 words of free writing articles (links are on the left hand side- don't ignore the FAQs). So yeah, in the top three. And believe me, there's a lot to compare it to.


So anyway, I picked it up a few months ago and stuck it in my TBR pile. Last Friday, I picked it up and started reading.

Ok. Nothing special. A little too much narrative, too many POV changes (though always in separate chapters, no hopping), and not enough character building for my taste. That's not to say that it wasn't well written, just that it wasn't to my taste.

So, I push on. After all, I highly respected and appreciated his advice, and so I was going to finish the book and then simply not move on to the sequel.

About half way through, I start getting attached to the characters. Yeah, it's a lot farther on than it should take, but still. And the plot hasn't even been fully declared yet, but it's starting to form. "Good", I think, "at least I should enjoy the rest of it".

Last 1/4 of the book things are starting to pick up. Very interesting things are happening, and I'm thinking "Oh no. Now I'll want to read the sequel. This has obviously started so slow because it should have been a 1500 page book, not three 500+ page books. No, I will be strong. After all, it's not like this particular character is enough to carry off another whole book for me."

And then, he does the unthinkable. He kills off my favorite character. The character that I refused to put the book down no matter how bad I had to pee (I mean, sleep/work) if that particular character's chapter was up next.

And he does it brilliantly.

Son of a beach.

So, yeah. The circumstances of the killing and the hints of how that death will change the world mean that I have to pick up Cartomancy. Gee, thanks Mike! I gotta go shell out more money now.

Now- for those who are unfamiliar with Michael A Stackpole and/or his work, here are a few tidbits.

1) His website is Stormwolf.com - not his name.com

2) I have not signed up for his newsletters yet since I was unaware of their existence.

3) You may have issues with his website. My computer at work freezes up every time I try to load it, yet I have no problems at home. No idea why this is since I use the same browsers here and there.

4) I've never read one of his Merlin Bloodstone books, but I did read his MB short story in an anthology that I'll likely be giving away at some point. It was one of only two stories in the ENTIRE ANTHOLOGY that I actually liked. He has it available for download for $2 in his store. I'll probably pick up one of the MB books when my TBR pile is shorter.

5) Michael A Stackpole, Holly Lisle, and Miss Snark all have one thing in common (besides being helpful)- they all do that "Short answer: blah blah, Long answer: blah blah blah blah" thing. I don't know why I think that's interesting.

Now, I have to go off and listen to several of his podcast episodes again to get that address he wanted postcards sent to. I bought the postcard before I bought the book, and I didn't address the postcard! Idiot me.

*now taking donations for brain transplants- and thanks Wolf, but I'd rather have a less frightening one*

TBR Pile Score

I finally worked my way down my TBR pile to approximately 9 books left, plus classics.

So what do I do? I hit a used book store, of course!

Picked up Shopaholic Takes Manhattan (hoping her books don't need to be read in order since I've never read any of the other Shopaholic books- but Miss Snark likes them...), Nora Roberts' Irish Dreams, Piers Anthony's Firefly- a writer friend says he's funny in a sarcastic sort of way, 3 of the Wheel of Time series (I always read brother's copies, and can't afford to buy the whole series new), A Christmas Carol (only ever read it in school with the school's copies), Jonathan Wild (looked good), Little Women (would you believe that I've never read it before?).

Not too bad for $29. Not great either, though, as I'm used to used books running half this price, but whatever.

I'm So Popular And Have A Flat Stomach!

Did your characters grow up with a never ending stream of admirers? Does your heroine have a flat stomach? Does she consider this aspect of her life?

For most of my life, when I would read a character discussing or ruminating on all of her boyfriends in highschool or smoothing her hand over her flat stomach, it would pull me straight out of the story.

Initially, I thought it was just because I was spotty and fat (still am) and couldn't wrap my mind around the thinking of someone who was thin and pretty and always had been.

When I got into writing, I shrugged it all off with the assumption that the author was also spotty and fat, and didn't begrudge them playing in fantasy. After all, a lot of fiction is simply who we want to be, or what we want to do.

After I'd immersed myself in the writing world for quite some time, I came to the conclusion that the authors were simply delivering what the public wants. Again, I shrugged it off. We all make concessions if we want to be published and/or develop a following.

Still, every time I read about some poor heroine fending off 5 hotties and still can't catch a good man, it rips me straight out of the story.

It took me a while, but now I think I understand what's happening. Eventually, I found that I was correct in that the worst offenders tended to be like me- on the heavy side. Conversely, many of the naturally thin authors that I read did not make the grevious mistake of pointing out how thin, pretty, and/or popular their protags were. Although they always made a big deal out of the rolls of flesh on overweight characters.

Again, I first assumed it was the whole fantasy thing. Now, I may be wrong about this, and it's just a theory. But. I think writing like this goes back to the "do your research, but don't let the reader see your research" rule.

When we try to put ourselves in the place of our characters, we have to imagine everything from waist measurement to the scar you (s/he) got from learning to ride a bicycle. The difference is- you don't need to write about it. This is all information that is transmitted indirectly because it's something that shapes who your characters are, but it is not what they are. Just as we don't need to know every tiny detail of life during Regency England to read a Regency and enjoy it.

If your protag puts on a tight, little dress, your readers will assume that your character is (A) a girl, (B) thin, even if not a knock-out, (C) going somewhere appropriate to wearing a tight, little dress. We don't need to see her think about how hard it is to be a woman with a flat stomach and going to a club/party/restaurant. Of course, if your character is not one of the above things, then that information needs to be transmitted at some point such as "Paul slipped on a tight little dress and watched his beer gut stretch the fabric to its limits. 'Ah' He thought, 'What a lovely evening to attend a funeral'". But, yanno... on average.

So tell me, do your characters think about the exact coffee shade of their skin? Ruminate about the meaning of their third toe in their religion? Imagine how hard it would be for a heterosexual to understand their homosexual lifestyle? Anyone?

Actually, the third toe would be funny. Please send me a copy of your book if you do this.

Ideal Writing Space

Melissa Marsh at Grosvenor Square posted about her writing room and asked about her readers' writing rooms (or ideal writing rooms). I know Deb NG, Darren Rowse, and (forgot her name- oops!) Will Write For Chocolate among others, have all posted about their writing rooms/offices/desks and asked about readers' writing rooms/offices/desks.

I use a laptop, so I can work anywhere. And I do. When hubby's doing bills, I plop down on the sofa in the office. When I plan to be on the 'puter all day, I take the laptop down to the living room. Sometimes when I'm cooking, I take it into the dining room just to squeeze a little more work or play in.

But, for the most part, I sit on the bed when I'm online, and lay across it with my notebook when I'm working on my WIP.

But for the past few days, I've been day dreaming about my ideal writing room. After all, I day dream about my dream house often enough- so the specific rooms have to get dreamed in at some point.

But you know what's weird? I don't want a big, bright, airy room. I don't want a dark, warm, library-ish room.

I want a closet.

I'm serious. I want a small, walk-in type closet, or broom closet, or whatever size room. Something, maybe 3X5? And I want to paint it pink inside. Hot pink. Keep the shelves though. I'll need them for my research books. Just enough room for a chair and table with my laptop. Even one of our folding tables would work.

I think it would work best for me. A room that small wouldn't have room for distractions. I tend to feel more secure in smaller spaces which would free up my mental power for concentration and creativity. And, of course, claustrophobic husbands won't be popping in just to tell me about the new GM concept car.

Of course, I'd want a seperate library, and maybe even a regular office for non-writing computer work.

WIP update: I wrote 2 1/2 pages last night. :) I think I know the next scene, so I should be able to get some more done tonight.

Well, That's Your Point Of View

I've been having a big, hairy time of how to write my WIP. Since it was conceived as a chick-lit, it seemed natural to write it in first person.

But, I thought, it's not like it's a rule or anything. And isn't chick-lit losing popularity? And chick-lit is just an offshoot of romance anyway. And besides, while this scene would work much better in first person, this other scene would be much better as third limited.

And then I thought- aw park it. We'll try it first person, and if it doesn't work, we'll change it. And that's the royal "we", thank you very much.

I really thought that once I got started it would either suck so bad in first that I could easily make the switch to third, or it would work out great and yay me.

I still haven't figured it out. And really? It seems to be landing smack in between sweet romance and chick-lit (gotta remember- Christian chick-lit doesn't revolve around sex, so the definition between the two is even more blurry than traditional chick and romance).

To be honest, it seems that first vs. third will be the major difference in genre. I'm leaning towards the re-write being in third... And yes, this is far too early to be thinking about my re-writes, but I'm better at obsessing than at butt-in-chair.

Ah well. I'm finishing out the first draft in first person, but we'll see what happens after that!

Lack Of Coffee Is The Problem

I'm sure of it. For years I've been telling my friends (Yo! Tracy & CJ) that I think and write better when I'm drinking coffee. I also desperately need alone time to charge my personal energy levels which directly affect my creativity.

Guess what I haven't had for the past week? And which week am I floundering like mad?

This weekend, I spent my usual atcafeworkingonmyWIP time visiting with my mother. Which is good. Yanno. Free food, mothers day, chocolate coffee malt (seriously, try it). It's good. What it isn't, is alone time. What it is, is toosickfromcoffeechocolatemalttoworkonWIP.

Sunday, I didn't leave the house at all. Literally. Not even to take out garbage. Hubby only left to take out garbage.

Now, I love him dearly. I'm glad I live with him. I'm glad we work together. I'm glad he does all the driving when we're together. What I'm not glad about, is that that means I'm not alone EVER. Unless I make the effort to leave for a few hours, or he goes to his mother's, brother's, or our friend Rafy's. That's it. He pouts and complains when I send him to the drugstore without me.

And this weekend is our anniversary.

So, I can fix the coffee issue. No problem. But it looks like another week or so till I get some time to myself. I'm considering investing in those Bose headphones that block out all sound, and then locking the door.